When you fall in love with yourself you gain a deep appreciation of your own worth and capabilities. Falling in love with yourself also means that you genuinely like yourself, and you enjoy spending time alone.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde
There’s a lot of emphasis in our culture on romantic love. A lot of people think that finding the right partner will somehow make them “whole”, fill an inner void, and solve all of their problems.
However, another person can never do all of these things for you. You have to do them for yourself. That is, you have to fall in love with yourself. Falling in love with yourself will allow you to do all of the following:
- Give yourself what you need, instead of waiting for others to do so.
- Embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses.
- Be gentle with yourself when you make a mistake or fail.
- Be comfortable with doing things alone.
- Know you’re in your corner, even if nobody else is.
- Know that you’re enough.
- Have the confidence to go after what you really want.
Sounds great, doesn’t it? So, how does one fall in love with oneself? I’ll tell you. Below you’ll find 10 ways to fall in love with yourself.
1. Make a List of Your Accomplishments
We all have to-do list filled with all of the things that we need to get done. How about creating a list of all the things we’ve already accomplished?
Everyone should keep a running list of their accomplishments. This has numerous benefits, including the following:
- It will remind you of how much you’ve achieved.
- It will keep how capable and valuable you are at the forefront of your awareness.
- It will help you to feel pride and admiration for yourself.
Feeling good about yourself will certainly help you to love yourself more.
2. Talk to Yourself How You Talk to People You Care About
I have two young nephews. When they were very small I discovered that if I softened my voice when I spoke to them, and I spoke sweetly, they were more likely to pay attention to what I was saying. In addition, they would soften their own demeanor toward me and I was more likely to get smiles, hugs, and kisses from them.
Lately I’ve been making it a point to make my inner voice use the same “tone of voice” that I use with my nephews. That is, I speak to myself—in my head—in a sweet, tender tone. And I can’t tell you how nice it is to have a soft-spoken person inside your head.
Of course, it’s not just the tone of voice that you use with yourself that’s important, but also the kinds of things that you say to yourself. Fall in love with yourself by saying positive, uplifting things to yourself and speaking sweetly to yourself.
3. See Yourself Through the Eyes of Someone Who Loves You
Think of someone who loves you—this can be your spouse, your child, your best friend, or an admirer. Picture that person standing there, looking at you.
- What do they see?
- How would they describe you?
- What would they say they appreciate about you?
- What would they say makes you a great friend, romantic partner, parent, and so on?
- Why do they love you?
This exercise will allow you to focus on your good points, instead of dismissing them or taking them from granted. It will also help you realize how much there is in you to love.
4. If There’s Something You Don’t Like About Yourself, Change It
If there’s something you don’t like about somebody else, there’s very little you can do about it. However, if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, you can change it.
I grew up with a very critical father, so I have a tendency to be critical myself. A couple of years ago I decided that I didn’t like this about myself. Therefore, I decided to change it. I began monitoring what I was thinking and I stopped myself every time I realized that I was judging someone.
In addition, when I was talking to others I started being more careful with what I said to them, and how I said it, so that it wouldn’t sound critical. As a result of this effort, I am now much less critical than I used to be.
That is, I’m much closer to the kind of person I want to be, which makes me love myself more. Fall in love with yourself by working on yourself.
5. Fall in Love With Yourself by Working on Your Self-Trust
If you’re with someone and that person is constantly lying to you and letting you down, how much love would you feel toward that person? Probably not much. However, we do these things to ourselves all the time.
To be able to fully love yourself you have to know that you can trust yourself. You can increase your self-trust by doing the following:
- Remember past instances when you’ve come through for yourself. Have retrievable memories of experiences where you were able to rely on yourself to handle a difficult situation.
- Keep your promises to yourself. When you set a goal, follow through with it.
- Trust your own judgment. When you have a decision to make, you can ask others for their input. However, at the end of the day do what you think is right, even if it goes against what others think you should do.
- Stop arguing against yourself. Stop highlighting your flaws and limitations. Stop selling yourself short.
- Bet on yourself. Back your own plan.
The more you trust yourself—the more you realize that you will always have your back–the more you can love yourself. Fall in love with yourself by making sure you can rely on yourself.
6. Take Yourself Out On Dates
My favorite food in the whole world is Indian food. There’s an Indian restaurant here in Panama that I always ask to be taken to on special occasions, and the other day I decided to go alone.
Lately I’ve become obsessed with Shakespeare, so I picked up my copy of Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part I, along with Asimov’s Guide to Shakespeare, and headed over to the Indian restaurant.
When I was done having lunch—which was fantastic–I went to a different place to have chocolate crepes for dessert (topped with strawberries and accompanied with a cappuccino, of course). I then went home and watched “The Hollow Crown”, a film adaptation of Henry IV Part I.
I had a lovely time, and it reminded me of what great company I am. 🙂
7. Treat Yo’ Self
I love giving gifts to people I care about. When I was living in Florence, Italy, my mother sent me money so that I could buy some things for myself. I used the money to get gifts for everyone back home.
When I decided that I was going to add myself to the list of people whom I love, I started getting gifts for myself. Not all the time, of course, and not extravagant gifts, but if there’s something that I really want, I treat myself.
The last time that I treated myself was about three weeks ago. I bought an acupressure mat called Spoonk. I lie down on my Spoonk for about twenty or thirty minutes every night before falling asleep. As I lie down on it and feel myself relaxing almost immediately, I invariably think:
“I’m so glad I got this for myself!”
Pampering yourself is a great way to show yourself some love.
8. Develop Positive Habits
I’ve developed many positive habits over the years. Here are some of them:
- I drink 10 glasses of water a day (it’s really hot in Panama).
- I meditate.
- I spend time out in nature.
- I eat three servings of fruits and five servings of vegetables every day.
- I run three times a week and I weight-lift three times a week
How can I not love myself when I take such good care of myself? Love yourself more by developing positive habits.
9. Listen to Yourself
We tend to be so outwardly focused—listening to other people, watching the news, reading, and so on—that a lot of the time we fail to stop and turn inward. That is, we fail to listen to ourselves. Yet one of the best ways to make ourselves feel loved is to listen to what we have to say.
One of the best ways to listen to yourself is to journal. Two journaling methods you may want to try are proprioceptive writing—a method for exploring the mind through writing–and morning pages, three pages of stream of consciousness writing which is done first thing in the morning.
Build a better relationship with yourself—and fall in love with yourself—by listening to yourself.
10. Ask Yourself What You Need
Ask yourself the following:
- What do I need right now?
- Do I need some alone time?
- Do I need a creative outlet?
- Do I need to explore different career opportunities?
- Do I need to simplify?
- Do I need to have more fun?
- Do I need more play and laughter in my life?
- Do I need to move more?
- Do I need to get myself out of a rut by learning something new?
- Do I need to have an adventure?
How would you feel about someone who’s attuned to your needs, and then does their best to fill those needs? I don’t know about you, but I’d have an easy time falling in love with that person. Find out what you need, and then give it to yourself. Fall in love with yourself by fulfilling your needs.
Doesn’t the person above sound wonderful? They’re accomplished, they speak kindly to you, they listen to you, they’re attuned to your needs, they take good care of you, they take you out on fun dates, they’re trustworthy, and they even give you great gifts!
Wouldn’t you fall in love with that person? Of course you would. But, wait a minute . . . it’s you! Live your best life by falling in love with yourself.
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