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Seven Ways to Overcome Inertia and Get Yourself Unstuck

by Marelisa

The law of inertia states that it is the tendency of an object to resist a change in motion. That is, an object at rest will stay at rest, unless it is acted on by an external force. The same is true of an object in motion.

Think of a soccer ball lying on the ground. The soccer ball will not move from that spot, unless someone kicks it. When the ball has been kicked and it’s moving through the air, it won’t stop until the force of gravity forces it to drop down to the ground; once it’s rolling on the ground, it will continue rolling until friction forces it to come to a standstill.

What this means, when it comes to goal achievement, is the following:

If at present you come home from work, grab a bag of chips, lie down on the couch, and turn on the TV, you’ll have a tendency to continue doing just that. Getting yourself to go out for a jog as soon as you get home from work, instead of plopping down on the couch, requires that you overcome inertia.
If you want to start getting up half an hour earlier in order to start a writing practice, you have to overcome inertia.
If you’re bored at your job and you’re thinking of starting a new business, you need to overcome inertia in order to create a business plan and start taking the action that’s necessary to get a new business started.

When there’s a goal that you want to achieve, one of the biggest hurdles that you’ll face is overcoming inertia in order to get yourself to start moving in the right direction. The good news is that once you initiate movement, the law of inertia helps you to keep moving and to continue taking action. Below you’ll find seven ways to overcome inertia and get yourself moving toward the achievement of your goals.

Shock Yourself Into Action

Fifty years ago psychologist Kurt Lewin proposed a three-step model for change. Lewin argued that individuals are “frozen in place” and they tend to resist change, even when presented with favorable opportunities. Therefore, the following is needed:

Some sort of disruption, shock, or “unfreezing” is necessary.
Change takes place as a result of the disruption.
“Refreezing” in a new and different state.

Think of the following: you have a block of ice, but what you want is to have the ice frozen in a cone shape. First, you have to unfreeze the ice. Then, you mold the water into a cone. Lastly, you refreeze the water in the cone shape.

Likewise, when you want to make a change you have to start by unfreezing yourself; one way to do this is to shock yourself. You can shock yourself into taking action by asking yourself the following question: “What are the consequences if I don’t get started?” For example, if you’re overweight, the consequences of giving in to inertia instead of exercising and changing your diet include being at a high risk for having a stroke or a heart attack, as well as being more prone to diseases such as diabetes and cancer.

Here are some more questions which can shock you into action: “How much money am I losing by not getting started on this?” “How much interest would I be earning if I were investing all the money that I’m currently losing?” “What would that money mean for my retirement?”

If you can’t shock yourself into taking action, consider getting someone from the outside to do so. As an illustration, you could get a medical checkup. There’s nothing like a doctor telling you that your blood pressure and your cholesterol levels are through the roof—and that you’re running the risk of shortening your life span by several years if you don’t lose weight–to shock you into initiating an exercise program.

A business consultant can shock you into taking action by letting you know that if you don’t take action soon, your small business is likely to fail.

Secure Short Term Wins to Overcome Inertia

Produce enough short term wins—that is, quick wins—to energize the change and create momentum. It’s much more likely that you’ll be able to get yourself to move if your first goal is to “Run a 5K”, your second goal is to “Run a 10K” and so on, instead of setting the goal of “running a marathon” right off the bat.

Dangle a Carrot In Front of Yourself

You’ve no doubt heard the story of the farmer who got his donkey to pull a cart by hanging a carrot from a stick tied to the donkey’s head. Just like the donkey, one of our greatest motivators is the pursuit of pleasure. Choose an appropriate reward to give yourself once you’ve reached a certain goal, such as drinking a smoothie if you go out for a twenty-minute jog, or watching your favorite TV show after you’ve published a blog post.

Let the carrot give you the kick start that you need to get going on a goal which will later become intrinsically motivating. As an illustration, I’ve been jogging outdoors for two and a half years now. Although at first I had to promise myself rewards so that I would go out for a jog, now I do it because the activity of jogging is rewarding in and of itself.

Use a Stick

Of course, the farmer didn’t just use a carrot in order to get the donkey to move. He also used a stick to whip the donkey if the donkey refused to move. You can also use a stick to get yourself to overcome inertia and to begin moving toward your goal. After all, not only do we have a tendency to move toward pleasure, we have an even stronger tendency to move away from pain. What sticks can you use to propel yourself to take action?

Here are two ideas:

Deny yourself a treat, such as your morning cup of coffee, unless you take action toward your goal.
Charge yourself for every day that you fail to take action. For example, you could ask a friend to charge you $5 for every day that you fail to take action toward the achievement of your goal.

Fill Your Gas Tank

Sometimes you can’t get started on a task because you don’t have enough fuel—or energy– to get yourself to act. If this is the case, fill your gas tank before you attempt to take action toward the achievement of your goal. As an illustration, if you want to start going out for a jog every day when you get home from work, but you’re too tired to do so, you could do the following:

Take a twenty minute nap.
Drink some water.
Eat a nutritious, healthy snack.
Do some yoga to get your energy flowing.

Once your tank is full, it’s much more likely that you’ll have the energy that you’ll need in order to overcome inertia.

Create a Clear Vision of What You’re Trying to Achieve

The other day I watched a video on YouTube– which I can’t link to because I wasn’t able to find it again—on how to organize a messy desk. The method consists of sitting in front of your messy desk, closing your eyes, and then visualizing what you want your desk to look like. The exercise went as follows:

In your mind’s eye, see your desk completely clear of all clutter. The only items on your desk are your laptop, a notebook and a pen, a lamp, your phone, and a three-stack paper organizer.
Your phone rings, and it’s one of your clients; she needs to ask you a question. You immediately open the bottom desk drawer on the right, and you see all of your client files neatly filed and labeled. You quickly find the one that you need, you open it, you find the document your client is asking about, and you answer her question. She’s happy with your answer, thanks you, and hangs up. You put the file right back where it belongs.
You get to work on your computer and you realize that you need to look up a technical term. You turn around and see all of your reference books stacked on a shelf behind your chair, within easy reach. You find the term you need and put the book back.
You then need the stapler. You open the top desk drawer and see all of the supplies that you use on a regular basis. They’re organized in a clear plastic container, and each one has its own compartment.

Continue in this way until you’ve created a vivid vision of what you want your desk to look like. Include emotions in your visualization; allow yourself to feel the satisfaction that comes from having a clear, organized desk. Then, open your eyes and allow this vision to pull you toward it. That is, allow the image that you created to pull you out of your state of inertia, and get started organizing your desk.

This exercise can be used in order to help you to overcome inertia, regardless of the goal that you’re trying to achieve.

Stage It

Set the stage for the action that you want to take. For example, if you want to start going for a bike ride each morning before work, get your bike out and place it in an easy-to-access spot. Put your riding clothes and your helmet on a chair near your bed. It’s much easier to overcome inertia when everything that you need in order to carry out a particular action is laid out in front of you and ready to go.

Conclusion

To quote Ben Stein, “So many fail because they don’t get started – they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.” Wake yourself out of inertia with the seven tips explained above. Remember that the first step is the hardest. Once you’re moving, just keep going.

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56 Ideas For Your Fall Bucket List

by Marelisa

Fall is here!

Fall is synonymous with the harvest, crisp air, falling leaves, geese flying overhead, pumpkins, bonfires, football games, and apple cider.

It’s the season during which we celebrate Halloween–wear creepy costumes, visit haunted houses, and go trick-or-treating–, and gather with our families for Thanksgiving dinner. George Eliot once said, “Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.” For Albert Camus, “Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” Lots of people would argue that autumn is the best season of the year.

In order to make the most of autumn, create a fall bucket list: a list of things that you want to do this fall. Here’s a bounty of ideas–56 to be exact–to help you get started. Have a joyous autumn!

Fall Bucket List Ideas

1. Take the time to witness the dramatic display of colors amongst the foliage –bronze, brilliant orange, gold, crimson, and other autumn shades.

2. Celebrate the colors of the season. Get a sweater in warm pumpkin or burnt sienna; paint a wall of your house in a cool olive or mustard yellow; or get a few throw cushions in chocolate browns.

3. Go for a walk and take in the clean, crisp autumn air. Enjoy the sound of leaves crinkling and crackling underneath your shoes.

4. Have a photo-shoot among the falling leaves.

5. Collect golden autumn leaves and use them to decorate your dinner table, windowsills, or any other surface you choose. Also, make a bouquet of autumn leaves.

6. Make leaf art; here are some ideas:

7. Decorate the mantle with a fall theme.

8. Rake a giant pile of leaves, take a few steps back, run, and jump in! End up lying on the ground, face up, watching the leaves fall from the trees, and the clear blue sky beyond.

9. Get a horn of plenty-a woven horned basket-and fill it with autumn produce such as apples, grapes, pears, potatoes, Indian corn, nuts, and wheat.

10. Start an impromptu football game.

11. Spend a Sunday afternoon doing nothing but watching football and eating chili.

12. Buy roasted chestnuts from a street vendor.

13. Find a foolproof recipe for a crock-pot meal or a hearty soup.

14. Listen to Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons – Fall.

15. Go on a hayride. Choose between horse and buggy or a truck-driven hayride.

16. Bake cookies shaped like autumn leaves.

17. Get a 1000-piece puzzle with an autumn motif to put together on a chilly night.

18. Attend a Fall Festival.

19. Make a Harvest Broom and hang it from your front door. You can also make a Fall Wreath like this one or like this one.

20. Get some nutmeg, cinnamon sticks, vanilla beans, and cloves, and make Fall potpourri. Add pine cones, twigs, and dried flowers. You can also get Yankee Candles in Autumn Wreath, Spiced Pumpkin, or Harvest.

21. Get a special mug for autumn. It can have brightly colored leaves on it, or a Halloween-theme, such as zombies or pumpkins.

Everything Pumpkin

22. Grab a cup of Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte (Espresso, pumpkin-flavored syrup and steamed milk. Topped with sweetened whipped cream and pumpkin pie spices.)

23. Visit a pumpkin patch and choose several pumpkins to take home.

24. Make pumpkin cupcakes, or pumpkin pancakes.

25. Roast pumpkin seeds.

26. Carve your own Jack-0-Lantern.

Apple Pickin’ Time

27. Go to your nearest apple orchard and look for the best apples to take home.

28. Bake an apple pie–with a flaky, light, delicious crust–from scratch.

29. Get a large tub of water, fill it with apples, gather a fun group of people, and go bobbing for apples.

30. Make caramel-coated apples.

31. Enjoy some apple cider. Get yourself a warm mug of cider and sit out on the porch or balcony when it’s cool out.

Ideas for Celebrating Halloween

32. Visit a haunted house, or put together your own.

33. Dress up in Steampunk attire for Halloween (Victorian science fiction).

34. Organize a Spooky Pooch parade and dress your dog in a Halloween costume.

35. Decorate your home for Halloween. Make sure to include monsters, witches, ghosts, skeletons, spider webs, and black cats.

36. Put up a Halloween Tree and hang up ornaments shaped like Frankenstein, Dracula, skulls, and orange and black glass balls.

37. Create a Halloween Village filled with creepy, scary Halloween themed houses, figurines and accessories.

38. Organize a Halloween party.

39. Participate in a costume contest.

40. Make Halloween-themed cupcakes.

41. Watch “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”.

42. Listen to your favorite Halloween songs:

43. Get a big bag of fresh Brach candy corn, and a big bag of mellowcreme pumpkins.

44. Be the house with the best Halloween candy on the block.

45. Make a scarecrow (here’s a good tutorial).

46. Read spooky stories like “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” or “The Telltale Heart”.

47. Have a horror movie night marathon.

48. Have a marathon of “The Addam’s Family”.

49. Have a marathon of “The Munsters”.

Ideas for Celebrating Thanksgiving

50. Set an elegant harvest table of Thanksgiving.

51. Make a classic Thanksgiving meal: turkey with all the trimmings.

52. Go around the table and have each person give thanks for at least one blessing they’ve received this year. Better yet, create a Thankful Tree.

53. Take the wishbone from the turkey and make a wish.

54. Watch “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”, in which Charlie Brown hosts a Thanksgiving meal in which he serves each of his friends the following:

Two slices of buttered toast;
Some pretzel sticks;
A handful of popcorn; and
A few jelly beans.

55. Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV.

56. Spend “Black Friday” making homemade gifts for loved ones.

“Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting; autumn a mosaic of them all.” –Stanley Horowitz

What’s on your Fall/Autumn Bucket List?

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Stop Making Excuses – Start Living Your Dreams

by Marelisa

A South African man without legs participated in the men’s 400 metres race in the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.

A French swimmer who lacks legs and arms successfully swam across the Bering Straight, the frigid waters separating Alaska and Russia.

W. Mitchell was in a motorcycle accident that left three-quarters of his body covered by third degree burns. His face was burned beyond recognition, and all of his fingers were burned off . Within 6 months after the accident he co-founded a company that made him a millionaire. Mitchell bought a plane and got his pilot’s license. Then, his plane crashed: due to injuries from the crash he was confined to a wheelchair. Not even this could stop Mitchell: he continues to live life to the fullest. Here’s a quote from Mitchell regarding his motorcycle and plane accidents:

“Before my accidents, there were ten thousands things I could do. I could spend the rest of my life dwelling on the one thousand that I had lost, but I instead chose to focus on the nine thousands I still had left.”

Laura Vikmanis fulfilled her dream of becoming an NFL cheerleader at the age of forty. Now 43, and surrounded by a sea of twenty-year-olds, she says the following: “I look at myself as a role model for my children to show them no matter what age or what dream you have, you can work really hard and achieve it”.

Max Cleland lost both legs and an arm at the age of 25 while fighting in Vietnam. He went on to serve as a member of the United States Senate, representing the state of Georgia.

Christopher Plummer won his first Academy Award (Oscar) at the age of 82.

Erik Weihenmayer reached the summit of Mount Everest in May 2001; he’s blind.

In May of this year, a 73-year-old Japanese woman climbed to the top of Mount Everest.

A Sikh man who began running at the age of 86–and who has run six London marathons, two Canada marathons, and the New York marathon–carried the Olympic torch at the 2012 Summer Olympics, at the age of 101.

Sean Stephenson was born with a genetic disorder commonly known as “brittle bone disease”. As a result, he experienced stunted growth–he’s now an adult and is three feet tall–and suffered more than 200 bone fractures by age eighteen. He’s permanently confined to a wheelchair. However, he’s gone to achieve many of the items on his bucket list, including the following:

Traveling the world as a motivational speaker.

Publishing several books and becoming a bestselling author.

Sharing the stage with the Dalai Lama.

Throwing the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

Obtaining a Ph.D.

Diana Nyad is attempting to become the first person to swim the 103 miles from Cuba to Key West, Florida, without a shark cage. She’s three days shy of her 63rd birthday. Nyad had the following to say about her historic swim:

“When I walk up on that shore in Florida, I want millions of those AARP sisters and brothers to look at me and say, ‘I’m going to go write that novel I thought it was too late to do. I’m going to go work in Africa on that farm that those people need help at. I’m going to adopt a child. It’s not too late, I can still live my dreams.'”

Grandma Moses was a renowned American folk artist who died in 1961 at the age of 101. She started painting at the age of 76, and completed over 1600 paintings before her death. Her paintings hang in nine museums in the United States, as well as museums in Vienna and Paris.

What do you want to do? Do you want to become a bestselling novelist, a congressman, or an entrepreneur? Do you want to take up running, take a painting class, or become a world-renown landscaper? Stop making excuses and start living your best life. If the people above could do it, so can you.

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How to Live a “Hell, Yeah!” Life

by Marelisa

This week I was asked to do a radio interview. Someone else asked me to write a guest post for their blog. A while back I was asked to be a part of an expert panel. While on all three occasions I was flattered to be asked, I declined all of them.

Why did I decline? Because after thinking about each of these requests I felt ambivalent about accepting. I’ve heard the advice that you should accept all of the invitations that you receive to participate in interviews, panels, and so on, in order to get your name out there and drive more traffic to your blog. However, I’m currently working on several projects that are important to me.

Any commitment that I take on right now takes time away from my projects. In addition, I feel passionate about my projects: I enjoy working on them and I think that completing these projects will have a large, positive impact on my life. So, why would I take time away from those projects in order to give an interview, or do something else, that I’m on the fence about? That wouldn’t make much sense.

Today, my position was re-affirmed when I came across an article written by Derek Sivers titled: “No more yes. It’s either ‘HELL YEAH!’ or no.”

In the article, Derek explains that when he’s deciding whether or not to commit to something, if he doesn’t feel, “Wow, that would be amazing! Hell, yeah!”, then he says “no”. He adds that when you say “no” to things that don’t get your juices flowing, you’re making room for those things that make you want to jump up and down with excitement.

Do you want your time and energy to be taken up by things that you feel ambivalent about? Or do you want to have the time and energy to do the things that are meaningful to you and that make you feel overjoyed to be alive?

This approach applies to everything in life. For example, yesterday I overheard an attractive man–who appeared to be in his early thirties–who was sitting at the table next to mine saying that there weren’t any good, eligible women in Panama, and that he was going to have to lower his standards. I felt like turning around in my chair and telling him, “Don’t lower your standards, just keep looking”.

Think of the difference between the following two scenarios:

“Well, yeah, she looks like an OK person. I guess I could date her.”
“Hell, yeah! That’s exactly the kind of woman I want to be with.”

The second scenario is obviously a dramatic improvement on the first.

As a second illustration, in the bestselling book, “The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur”, Mike Michalowicz advises entrepreneurs to be careful with what they say “yes” to. Often, entrepreneurs will be reluctant to pass up an opportunity and will say “yes” to requests that are not congruent with what the business is about or with what they’re about. Saying “no” to things that are not a good fit forces entrepreneurs to look aggressively for things that are a good fit.

Again, it’s the difference between the following two scenarios:

“Yes, that’s something that I could work on.”
“Hell, yeah! That’s exactly the type of project that I wanted to work on when I started this business.”

From now on, make a commitment to live a “Hell, yeah!” life:

Date someone who makes you think, “Hell, yeah!”
Work on projects that make you say, “Hell, yeah!”
Go on vacations that make you go, “Hell, yeah!”
Agree to requests from others that make you think, “Hell, yeah!”

Start living a “Hell, yeah!” life, and watch your life go from good to great.

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The Three-Step Formula For Success

by Marelisa

Conrad Hilton—founder of the Hilton Hotel chain, and known as “Innkeeper to the World”—achieved his phenomenal success by following a simple three-step formula. In this article, you’ll discover what that formula is. Replicate it, and achieve your own success.

Hilton was born in the small town of San Antonio, New Mexico, in 1887. His father owned a general store and would sell living supplies to men working in the backwoods of New Mexico. In his autobiography, “Be My Guest”—which for many years was placed in every Hilton hotel room–, Hilton credits his father’s example of hard work, as well as his mother’s religious faith, as major factors in his own success.

In “Be My Guest”, Hilton explains that his father’s advice for success was always “work”, while his mother’s advice was “pray”. Thus, he grew up listening to the “work-pray” mantra.

However, his brother—Barron—once noted that there had to be an additional ingredient. While writing “Be My Guest” at the age of 70—sitting in the ballroom of the legendary Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York, which he then owned—Hilton hit upon the missing ingredient: you have to dream.

Thus, the Conrad Hilton three-step formula for success is the following:

Dream – Decide What It Is That You Want
Pray- Have Faith that You Will Achieve Your Dream
Work – Take Action to Achieve Your Dream

Each of these elements is explained below.

Dream – Decide What It Is That You Want

“To accomplish big things I am convinced you must first dream big dreams. True, it must be in line with progress, human and divine, or you are wasting your prayer. It has to be backed by work and faith, or it has no hands and feet. Maybe there’s even an element of luck mixed in. But I am sure now that, without this master plan, you have nothing.” – Conrad Hilton

Initially, Hilton’s dream was to start a bank. While looking for a bank that he could purchase, Hilton found himself one night at the Mobley, a rundown hotel in Cisco, Texas. This is where he discovered the opportunity which would eventually lead to his hotel empire. Despite its dilapidated condition, the hotel was doing a lot of business, and the numbers looked good. In addition, the owner was looking to sell. Hilton bought it.

The Mobley was the first of several decrepit hotel properties—with lots of room for potential– which Hilton would buy.

At this point, Hilton’s dream shifted from owning a bank, to owning a chain of hotels around Texas. Then, his dream grew even bigger: he wanted to build his own “Hilton” hotel. He was able to raise a million dollars and—although he ran out of money twice– in August 1925 the Hilton Hotel, Dallas, opened. Hilton kept building hotels and he kept expanding his empire.

In the Fall of 1929, Hilton built his ninth hotel: the El Paso, Hilton. Nineteen days after it opened, the stock market crashed. That was the beginning of the Great Depression.

Pray – Have Faith That You Will Achieve Your Dream

During the Great Depression, Hilton was nearly forced into bankruptcy. He lost several of his hotels (he was retained as manager and was eventually able to buy them back).

In the depths of the Depression, deep in debt, and with a court judgment against him, Hilton cut out a picture of the newly completed Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York. It was considered to be the greatest hotel in the world. Hilton told himself that one day he would own it. He would carry the picture around in his wallet as a reminder of what he was aiming for. Later, when he had enough cash again to buy a desk, he put the picture under the desk’s glass top.

Despite the huge gap that existed between being near bankruptcy, and owning the greatest hotel in the world, Hilton believed that he would be able to bridge that gap. He would look at the picture constantly with faith that one day, that hotel would be his. It gave him something to aim for, even when his prospects seemed weak.

Hilton realized his dream in 1949, when he became the owner of the Waldorf-Astoria.

Work – Take Action to Achieve Your Dream

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”- Conrad Hilton

Hilton’s work ethic was legendary. He earned back the money that he had invested in the Mobley in one year. Then, he went on to restore other “flophouses” to their former beauty, and he turned them into goldmines as well.

Almost from the start, Hilton discovered the two principles that would guide him throughout his career as a hotelier. He referred to them as “digging for gold” and “esprit de corps”.

“Digging for gold was making sure that the space was used as efficiently as possible. For example, at the Mobley he cut down the front desk so that he could build a newsstand, thereby adding a new revenue stream. In addition, because there were a lot of restaurants in Cisco and the hotel made little money from food, he converted the restaurant into guestrooms.

His second principle, “esprit de corps,” involved motivating the staff to provide excellent service by making them responsible for the guests’ satisfaction with their stay at the hotel.

When it took Hilton six years to negotiate the purchase of The Stevens Hotel in Chicago, he simply had the following to say:

“If you are content with planting radish seeds you’ll get radishes in a few weeks. When you start planting acorns, the full-fledged oak may take years. And I was beginning to learn what all gardeners know – patience”.

Hilton eventually owned 188 hotels in thirty-eight cities in the U.S., along with fifty-four hotels abroad.

Conclusion

As a final note of advice, Hilton emphasizes the importance of not belittling your value or your self-worth:

“It has been my experience that the way most people court failure is by misjudging their abilities, belittling their worth and value. Did you ever think what can happen to a plain bar of iron, worth about $5.00? The same iron when made into horseshoes is worth $10.50, If made into needles, it is worth $3,250.85, and if turned into balance springs for watches its value jumps to $250,000.

This is true of another kind of material – You!”

So, there you have it; the three-step formula for success: dream, pray, and work.

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How to Write a Personal Manifesto

by Marelisa

A personal manifesto will give your life meaning and direction.

A personal manifesto is a declaration of your core values and beliefs, what you stand for, and how you intend to live your life. It functions both as a statement of principles and as a call to action. A personal manifesto can serve as all of the following:

As a frame for your life.
As a compass, pointing you toward what you’ve decided is your true north.
As a mechanism for focusing your mind and reminding you of your priorities.
As a source of motivation.
As a behavior modification system, so that you always act in accordance with your values, even during times of stress.
As a mechanism to keep you striving to achieve high ideals.
As inspiration to live your purpose more fully.
As a foundation upon which to build your life.
As a way to begin to bring a new life—or a new way of living—into existence.

Below you’ll discover how to write a personal manifesto. In addition, I’ve include my own personal manifesto, in case you need a little inspiration to get started on yours.

Guidelines for Writing Your Personal Manifesto

Begin writing your manifesto by making a list of the areas that you want to address. For example, you could make a list of the most important people in your life and write down how you intend to behave when it comes to each of them. You can also decide to include areas such as the following:

Dealing with disappointment and hardships.
Dealing with failures and mistakes.
Dealing with opportunities and risk taking.
Daily interaction with others (waiters, cashiers, neighbors, and so on).
Choosing your attitude.
Your general approach toward life.
How you’ll treat your body.
How you’ll spend your money.
How you’ll spend your time.

In addition, you can create a manifesto by asking yourself questions such as the following:

What do I stand for?
What am I willing to die for?
What are my strongest beliefs?
How do I want to live my life?
How do I choose to define myself?
What changes do I need to make so that I can live my best life?
What words do I want to live my life by?

Here are five general guidelines for writing your manifesto:

Make it uplifting.
Use strong language (don’t be wishy-washy).
It can be as short or as long as you like (but don’t make it so long that you can’t read it every day).
Write it in the present tense.
Keep it positive.

My Personal Manifesto

Below you’ll find the 26 points that make up my personal manifesto.

1. I cultivate peace of mind. I know that I can change the way that I feel at any moment, simply by changing my thoughts.

“Peace come from within. Do not seek it without.” – Buddha

2. I treat myself like someone I love and respect.

“Love Thyself. First you must shine with positive, high-spirited vibrations, and be full of love. In order to do that, I think it’s important to love, thank, and respect yourself.” – Masaru Emoto, in Love Thyself, The Message from Water III

3. I trust myself and listen to my inner voice.

“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

4. I meet each day with reverence for the opportunities that it contains.

“This bright, new day… complete with 24 hours of opportunities, choices, and attitudes… a perfectly matched set of 1440 minutes. This unique gift, this one day, cannot be exchanged, replaced or refunded. Handle with care. Make the most of it. There is only one to a customer.” – Author Unknown

5. I improve myself every day in some way, whether it’s by dropping a negative belief, learning a new word, or adding to my knowledge of the world.

“I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.”– Abraham Lincoln

6. I don’t take things personally. I know that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality; it has nothing to do with me.

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” – Dennis Wholey

7. I’m independent of the good opinion of others.

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell truth that is in us . . . the divine flood of light and life no longer flow into our souls.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

8. I give myself permission to be myself. I’m authentic. I live life in my own way.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

9. I talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.

“There are persons so radiant, so genial, so kind, so pleasure-bearing, that you instinctively feel in their presence that they do you good, whose coming into a room is like the bringing of a lamp there.” — Henry Ward Beecher

10. I serve goodness every day with acts of courtesy and kindness.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” — The Dalai Lama

11. I make my home my sacred space.

“Home interprets heaven.” – Charles Henry Parkhurst

12. I live in a constant state of gratitude for everything that has been given me.

“Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” — Marelisa Fábrega

13. I celebrate life every day by making happiness and play a priority.

“A philosophy of life: I’m an adventurer, looking for treasure.”– Paolo Coehlo

14. I focus on what has gone right in my life, instead of placing my attention on those things that have not gone the way I wanted them to.

“Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.” – Arabic proverb

15. I take financial control of my life. I spend my money mindfully and buy only what I truly need and what I truly love. I put my money to work for me.

“Let money work for you, and you have the most devoted servant in the world . . . it works night and day, and in wet or dry weather.”– P.T. Barnum

16. I treat my time like the precious commodity that it is.

“Make wise time investments. When you invest in something you expend resources, but you do so with an expectation of getting a good return on your investment (ROI). Investing your time means that you engage in activities which are calculated to bring you meaningful rewards.” – Marelisa Fábrega

17. I monitor my energy exchanges and do more of the things that give me energy and less of the things that take it away.

“The ultimate measure of our lives is . . . how much energy we invest in the time that we have.” – Tony Schwartz

18. I think “Yes” instead of “No”. I imagine “Yes” instead of “No”. I remain open to trying new things. I constantly stretch out a little further from my comfort zone.

“I’m continually trying to make choices that put me against my own comfort zone. As long as you’re uncomfortable, it means you’re growing.” – Ashton Kutcher

19. I’m the creator of my life. As creator, I decide what I want to create, I plan how I’m going to create it, and I take the necessary steps to create it.

“You can achieve anything you want in life if you have the courage to dream it, the intelligence to make a realistic plan, and the will to see that plan through to the end.” — Sydney A. Friedman

20. I focus on those things which are within my control, and act within my sphere of influence.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

21. I create opportunities; I don’t wait for opportunities to find me.

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.” – Bruce Lee

22. I see mistakes as feedback; I adjust my aim, and I try again.

“Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success.” — Charles F. Kettering

23. I do not misuse my imagination by worrying.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie Ten Boom

24. In the pursuit of my goals, I act with courage.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” ― Mark Twain

25. I strive to make the most of my talents, to be of service, to create value, and to give back to the world.

“Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.” – Leo Buscaglia

26. I persevere until I reach my goals, in spite of any obstacles or setbacks.

“The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.” — Unknown

Conclusion

A personal manifesto is a powerful tool for living your best life. Read your personal manifesto every day. Live your manifesto.

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As a Man Thinketh – The Power of Right Thought

by Marelisa

“You are what you think. All that you are arises from your thoughts. With your thoughts you make your world.”
– Buddha

“As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen–an Englishman who moved to a small cottage with his family to pursue a simple life of writing and contemplation–is a true personal growth classic. This thin volume, first published in 1902, has been widely read and has had a profound impact on the lives of countless people.

The book’s basic message is the following: “You are what you think.” If you think this sounds a lot like Buddha, you’re right; Allen was influenced by Buddhism.

The book begins with the following quote:

“Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes,
And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills,
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills:-
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass:
Environment is but his looking-glass.”

This article explores some of the major lessons found in “As a Man Thinketh”.

Influence of Buddhism

As Tom Butler-Bowdon points out in “50 Self-Help Classics: 50 Inspirational Books to Transform Your Life”, the influence of Buddhism on Allen’s thought is obvious. This is so both in the emphasis he places on ‘right thinking’, and in his suggestion that the best path to success is calmness of mind.

The message of the Buddha is traditionally known as the Four Noble Truths. The last of these four truths sets out eight steps to happiness–The Eightfold Path–and one of these steps is right thinking.

Although people who are calm, relaxed and purposeful make it seem as if this is their natural state, it is nearly always the result of a lot of self-control. As Allen explains: “A noble character . . . is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking. . . ”

That is, you have to be aware, on a continuous basis, of the thoughts that are going through your mind (witness your mind). Then, do the following:

Focus on those thoughts that will lead you to act in a way that will help you to achieve your goals.
Stop dwelling on those thoughts that are likely to lead you away from your goals.
When you have a thought that is not aligned with your goals, choose to think again.

This will be difficult at first, but just as a person can make themselves physically strong through rigorous exercise, a person can strengthen their mind through careful and patient training.

Tend to the Garden of Your Thoughts

Allen argues that a person’s character is the complete sum of all of their thoughts. Someone who has a noble character must have, on balance, more noble thoughts than loathsome ones.

He then explains that each action springs from, or is the result of, a thought that person has entertained. He writes the following: “As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seed of thought . . . Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruit.”

Each thought you have is a seed that you’re planting in the garden of your mind. This garden can be intelligently cultivated, or it can be allowed to run wild. If you want a particular type of plant or flower to grow there, then those are the seeds you need to sow and nourish: “nothing can come from corn but corn, nothing from nettles but nettles”.

Every thought that you have blossoms into an action, that action creates a result, and that result brings you either joy or misery. Allen refers to thoughts as “thought-seeds”.

Angry, hateful, and bitter thoughts will produce pain, as surely as the wheel follows the ox pulling the cart. Happiness will follow those who have kindly, pure, noble thoughts, as surely as that person is followed by their shadow.

He adds that each one of us needs to tend to the garden of our minds:

“Just as a gardener cultivates his plot of land and keeps it free from weeds while growing the flowers and fruits he desires, so should you tend to the garden of your mind, weeding out all wrong, useless, and undesirable thoughts while cultivating to perfection the flowers and fruit of right and useful, pure thoughts.”

The Effect of Thought on Circumstance

Allen explains that the outer conditions of a person’s life are always in harmony with their inner state. He adds that the fact that circumstances grow out of thought is evident to anyone who has practiced being mindful of their thoughts for some length of time. This person will be able to witness their circumstances changing in exact ratio to the change in their mental condition.

As stated before: “Every thought-seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind, and to take root there, produces its own, blossoming sooner or later into act, and bearing its own fruitage of opportunity and circumstance. Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit.” A person reaps their own harvest.

Allen adds that a person does not attract what they want, but what they are. A person’s wishes are only gratified when they harmonize with their thoughts and actions. Here are two illustrations provided by Allen:

“Here is a man who is wretchedly poor. He is extremely anxious that his surroundings and home comforts should be improved, yet all the time he shirks his work, and considers he is justified in trying to deceive his employer on the ground of the insufficiency of his wages. Such a man does not understand the simplest rudiments of those principles which are the basis of true prosperity, and is not only totally unfitted to rise out of his wretchedness, but is actually attracting to himself a still deeper wretchedness by dwelling in, and acting out, indolent, deceptive, and unmanly thoughts.”

“Here is an employer of labour who adopts crooked measures to avoid paying the regulation wage, and, in the hope of making larger profits, reduces the wages of his workpeople. Such a man is altogether unfitted for prosperity, and when he finds himself bankrupt, both as regards reputation and riches, he blames circumstances, not knowing that he is the sole author of his condition.”

Even though both of these people in the two examples above want greater riches for themselves, they’re both frustrated in their attempts by encouraging thoughts which do not harmonize with their intended objective.

Allen is a big proponent of individual responsibility, explaining that people should stop complaining and blaming others and circumstances when they fail to get what they want; instead, they should search for “the hidden justice” which regulates their life.

The Law of Cause and Effect

In Buddhism, causality is accepted as natural law. The Dalai Lama explains that the best way to safeguard against undesirable events taking place is to make sure that the causal conditions that normally give rise to those events don’t arise. Similarly, if there’s an event that you would like to take place, then seek the causes and conditions that give rise to that event and replicate them.

In addition, Gunaratana-a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk-explains in his book Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness that once we understand that everything we think, say, or do is a cause, which will inevitably lead to some effect, we will naturally want to think, say, and do things which will lead to positive results. At the same time, we will avoid having thoughts, saying things, and doing things that will lead to negative results.

Allen has the following to say about the principle of causality:

“That he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove, if he will watch, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others and upon his life and circumstances, linking cause and effect by patient practice and investigation.”

Examples of “Right Thought”

Here are three examples of “right thought”:

A professional golf player will focus on the flag at the hole–completely tuning out the water hazard to the left and the wooded rough to the right–and envision her swing, the flight of the ball, and the outcome of a well executed shot.

A man who has been warned by his doctor that he needs to lose weight will envision participating in weekend 5K runs with his daughter, watching his young son grow up and graduate from college, and going on a Hawaii vacation with his wife (looking healthy and fit in a bathing suit).

Here’s an example Allen uses in “As a Man Thinketh”:

“Here is a youth . . . confined long hours in an unhealthy workshop; unschooled . . . But he dreams of better things . . . of refinement, of grace and beauty. He . . . mentally builds up an ideal condition of life . . . unrest urges him to action, and he utilizes all his spare time and means . . . to the development of his latent powers and resources. Very soon . . . the workshop . . . has become so out of harmony with his mentality that it falls out of his life as a garment is cast aside.”

A Few More Quotes From “As a Man Thinketh”

“A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.”

“Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot; it rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstance . . . thoughts of courage, self-reliance, and decision crystallize into manly habits, which solidify into circumstances of success, plenty, and freedom.”

“. . . he will find that as he alters his mind toward things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.”

“A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts.”

“Having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight pathway to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor the left. Doubts and fears should be rigorously excluded; they are disintegrating elements which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, useless.”

“The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg. . . Dreams are the seedlings of realities.”

Conclusion

The best way that I’ve found to keep my thoughts focused on what I want is to create a list of life goals, and to keep those goals at the forefront of my awareness. Then I continually ask myself: are the thoughts that I’m having right now likely to blossom into the action that I need to take in order to achieve my goals? If not, what better thoughts could I think instead? After all, what you achieve in life is a direct result of what you’re thinking.

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How to Make $1374 to Finance Your Life Goals

by Marelisa

In the mornings I walk to a bakery that’s a couple of blocks away from my apartment building. I buy a bun of butter bread and a slice of cheese for breakfast.

I also used to buy a large cappuccino for $2.00. The cappuccino comes from a Nescafe vending machine that they have at the bakery (it doesn’t sound good, but it is). However, one block further down there’s a pharmacy that has the same cappuccino vending machine, but they sell the large cappuccino for $1.60. Therefore, what I’ve started doing is the following:

I walk to the bakery and buy the bread and the cheese.
I walk another block and get the cappuccino from the pharmacy.

That is, I’m saving 40 cents a day. Now, you might be telling yourself that 40 cents is a miniscule amount, but hear me out. Those 40 cents a day comes to twelve dollars a month. And that’s just the start.

At noon on weekdays I walk to a club that I belong to, with my laptop, and I work from there. (See the image at the top of this blog post; that’s where I work.) Since I’m there for about three hours, I order a soup for lunch, and two cappuccinos. I order one cappuccino with my lunch, and I order another one about an hour later. Each cappuccino costs $2.50, so that’s $5 a day, or $25 a week ($5 x 5 weekdays).

This week I decided to limit myself to one cappuccino at the club. If I continue to do this, I’ll be saving $12.50 a week, or $52.50 a month ($12.50 * 4.2 weeks).

In addition, since I don’t have a car (that’s a story for another day), last month I rented out my parking space to someone in my building for $50 a month. This means that I’m going to have an additional $50 coming in each month.

If you add up these three sums—the $12 a month that I save by buying my coffee at the pharmacy instead of buying it at the bakery, the $52.50 a month that I save by having one coffee at the club instead of two, and the $50 that I’m getting for renting out my parking space–you get $114.50 a month. That comes to $1374 in twelve months, or one year.

Why am I telling you this? Because you can do a lot with $1374. You can buy a new computer and start doing some freelancing on the side; you can finally visit New York City; you can buy Christmas presents for your family; or you can set the money aside to finance a larger goal further down the road.

Based on this analysis, follow the eight-step process for financing your life goals that’s laid out below.

Eight Step Process For Financing Your Life Goals

Here’s the eight-step process you should follow for financing your life goals:

Step One. Create a list of life goals. Take a look at the following phrase: “If I only had the money I would . . .” Quickly, without thinking or judging, write down anything that pops into your head. There’s your list.

Step Two. Go through the list of goals that you just came up with and create an estimate of how much each one is going to cost you. Choose a goal that’s important to you and that you estimate would cost around $1374.

Step Three. Take out an envelope and write “Goal Envelope” on the front. In addition, write down the following:

Your goal.
Today’s date.
The amount that you estimate that you’ll need in order to finance the goal (around $1374).
The date by which you want to have all of the money that you’ll need (one year from today).

Step Four. Find a way to save 40 cents a day without cutting back on anything. That is, without making any sacrifices. Think of my morning vending machine cappuccino example. By getting the cappuccino at the pharmacy, instead of buying it at the bakery, I’m getting the exact same cappuccino, but for 40 cents less.

I could get a smaller cappuccino for 95 cents (and save $1.05 a day), but I don’t want to cut back on the amount of caffeine that I have in the morning (coffee drinkers know what I’m talking about). I could also just make coffee at home; that would be even cheaper. However, I like the coffee from the vending machine, and I like the walk to the bakery and to the pharmacy.

The idea is to make a tiny cut in your expenses without making any sacrifices. For you this could mean calling around to see if you can get a better price for your long distance calls– while keeping all of your current benefits–, getting a better price for your car insurance– without increasing your deductible–, and so on.

Step Five. Find something you can cut back on that would allow you to save $2.50 a day. For this step you are going to cut back on something, which means that you will be making a sacrifice. However, it has to be something that’s not a big deal for you. That is, it’s a very small sacrifice.

In my example, cutting back on one of the cappuccinos that I have at the club is not a big deal. After all, I have the vending machine coffee in the morning and one coffee at the club. That’s plenty of coffee for one day.

I could stop going to the club altogether and just have lunch at home. That would save me a lot more money. However, I love having lunch at the club and spending a couple of hours working there. Here are some of the many benefits that I receive by going to the club:

I get to look out at the ocean.
There are always tons of birds around. There are humming birds, blue birds, and black birds with red bellies. The other day a small falcon landed three yards away from where I was sitting.
It’s out in the open. I get to be out in the fresh air and feel the breeze.
The waiters are really nice to me.

Therefore, ending my lunches and work time at the club is not a sacrifice that I’m willing to make. Once again, step five does involve making a sacrifice, but it’s a very small sacrifice that really doesn’t hurt that much.

Step Six. Find a way to make $50 of extra income a month. If you told yourself that you have to make an extra one-thousand dollars a month, that would require a lot of thinking and a lot of work. However, if you sit down for an afternoon and brainstorm ways in which you can increase your income, it’s very likely that you’ll be able to come up with a way to make $50 of extra income a month.

Step Seven. Each time that you follow through on your plan and you save or make some money by following the steps above, put that money in the “Goal Envelope”. When you put money in the envelope, write down on the front of the envelope how much money you deposited. That way, you can keep track of your progress.

Step Eight. If you find ways to save even more money here and there throughout the year–a product you buy often goes on sale, your favorite restaurant starts giving out a free meal once you’ve eaten there ten times, and so on–or you make money you weren’t expecting–you sell something on eBay, your Google Adsense account finally reaches $100 and your funds are released, and so on–don’t spend the money. Instead, put it into your “Goal Envelope”.

Get a Head Start

You can get a head start on your goal financing efforts by doing two things. First of all, put five dollars in the envelope right now. Five dollars may not seem like a big deal, but it’s seed money. And what happens to a seed? If you water it and give it nutrients, it grows.

The second thing that you can do to get a head start is to have a no-expenses weekend. This weekend, don’t spend a cent. Eat the food that’s already in the pantry and find free ways to entertain yourself. It’s just for one weekend. Estimate how much money you saved by doing this and put that money in your envelope. You now have a head start on your $1374.

Conclusion

We have a tendency to think that our goals are going to be more expensive than they actually are, and to think that it’s going to be more difficult to come up with the money than it actually is. The process above is simple, it’s doable, and it gets results. What are you going to do with your $1374? Please share in the comments section below.

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60 Ideas for Your Spiritual Bucket List

by Marelisa

A bucket list isn’t just about the places that you want to visit and the adventures that you want to go on. Instead, your bucket list should contain the goals that you want to attain in all the different areas of your life, including the area of spirituality. In this post you’ll discover 60 ideas for your Spiritual Bucket List (after all, inner travel is just as important as outer travel).

1. Meet the Dalai Lama (or at least be present at one of his lectures).

2. Visit Tibet.

3. Spend a week at a Silence Retreat (or just a weekend).

4. Experience complete bliss.

5. Find inner peace.

6. Learn to live in alignment with spiritual values, including forgiveness, compassion, love for others, and gratitude.

7. Do all the lessons in “A Course in Miracles”.

8. Attend a Native American Sweat Lodge Ceremony.

9. Become a Reiki Master.

10. Heal your past.

11. Learn to live in the now; learn to live mindfully.

12. Take up yoga.

13. Take up Tai Chi.

14. Take up Qi Gong.

15. Have a past life regression.

16. Drink or bathe in Lourdes water. This is water which flows from a spring in the Grotto of Massabielle in the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes, France.

17. Spend three months in a Buddhist monastery.

18. Become a Zen Master.

19. Get your chakras aligned.

20. Get an Akashic Record Reading.

21. Read the Bible in full.

22. Read the Koran.

23. Read “The Upanishads” (a collection of philosophical texts which form the theoretical basis for the Hindu religion).

24. Learn Mindfulness Meditation.

25. Go on an Inner Awakening Retreat in India.

26. Attend a major religious service for at least four different religions.

27. Try Bikram yoga (in which the room is heated to 110 degrees).

28. Witness a miracle.

29. Visit the places where Jesus walked in Jerusalem.

30. Learn to pray.

31. Join a Prayer Group.

32. Make Tibetan Buddhist prayer flags.

33. Learn to see the good in others.

34. Become a priest, a nun, or an ordained minister.

35. Pray at the Western Wall.

36. Spend Christmas in Bethlehem.

37. Purchase a rosary in Rome which has been blessed by the Pope.

38. Attend a service at the Vatican.

39. Visit Mount Sinai (where Moses received the ten commandments).

40. Visit the Tomb of Abraham in the Cave of the Patriarchs.

41. Go on a pilgrimage to Mecca.

42. Attend a religious service once a week, every week, for a year.

43. Give up meat (cigarettes, chocolate, coffee, or alcohol) for Lent.

44. Become friends with someone with a religious background that’s very different from yours and ask them about their religious beliefs.

45. Go on a “Walkabout” in the Australian Outback.

46. Visit the 50 holiest sites in the world.

47. Hike the Camino de Santiago (hike to Santiago de Compostela in northwestern Spain).

48. Give away a part of your income to the less fortunate on a regular basis.

49. Read and understand 100 Zen Koans.

50. Celebrate Iftar with a Muslim family (the evening meal when Muslims break their fast during the Islamic month of Ramadan).

51. Join the Spiritual Cinema Circle and watch an inspirational film once a week.

52. Be able to answer spiritual questions such as the following:

Why is there suffering in the world?
Is there life after death?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are we all one?
What is the meaning of life?

53. Practice Ahimsa (the principle of non-violence).

54. Interview a spiritual teacher and ask him or her spiritual questions that you’ve always wondered about.

55. Become more loving.

56. Bring more spirituality to your everyday life.

57. Raise your consciousness.

58. Be mentored by a renowned spiritual teacher.

59. Learn to identify with your higher self, instead of identifying with your ego.

60. Go on a shamanic journey or vision quest.

What’s on your Spiritual Bucket List? Please share in the comments section below.

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Goal Achievement Tip: How to Get Back on Track If You Slip Up

by Marelisa

There are less than six months left of this year. How are you doing with the goals that you set for yourself on the first day of January? Did you stop smoking? Did you lose those twenty pounds? Have you paid off any of your debts?

Chances are that you got off to a great start with your New Year’s resolutions. But then you slipped. And when you fell off the wagon you told yourself, “What’s the use? It’s only the third week of January and I’ve already messed up. I can’t do this. I have absolutely no willpower. Why did I even think that I could change?” At that point you gave up on trying to achieve the goals that you had set for yourself.

However, psychologists hold that relapsing when you’re trying to achieve a goal–overeating when you’re dieting, having a cigarette when you’re trying to quit smoking, oversleeping when you’re trying to become an early riser, and so on–is simply a part of the change process. In addition, if you slip when you’re trying to achieve one of your goals, the best thing that you can do is to forgive yourself and keep moving forward.

In this post you’ll discover how to continue moving toward your goals even if you momentarily revert to your old, unwanted behavior. We’ll get started by taking a look at “The Stages of Change Model”, and then we’ll take a look at the relapse stage of the process. Lastly, you’ll discover a ten-step process to follow when you slip up.

The Stages of Change Model

Psychologists have identified the process people go through when making changes in their life; they’ve named the process “The Stages of Change Model”. This model was introduced in the late 1970’s by researchers James Prochaska, Ph.D., and Carlo DiClemente, Ph.D., who were studying ways to help people quit smoking. It consists of the following five stages:

1. Precontemplation: At this stage the person isn’t even considering changing their behavior.

As an illustration, suppose that you lead a sedentary lifestyle and you get very little physical exercise. However, you have no intention of starting an exercise program. You think that exercising is overrated and you’re just too busy doing other things.

2. Contemplation: The person begins to think that the behavior that they’re engaging in is problematic, or they think of a new behavior that they would like to adopt, and they start weighing the pros and cons of changing.

To continue with our previous illustration, at this stage you begin to realize that your lack of physical exercise is a problem. Your energy level is low, you’re not sleeping well at night, and you’re really starting to pack on the pounds. You start weighing the pros and cons of starting an exercise program.

3. Preparation: The person has made the decision to make a change, and has started to get ready to change by doing things such as planning what to do and gathering information. This stage combines intention with behavior.

If we continue with our example, you’ve made the decision to start exercising and you’ve taken some preparatory steps. You’ve sat down and written some exercise goals, you’ve started thinking of how you can achieve those goals, you’ve read a few articles on how to incorporate exercise into your daily life, and you’ve bought exercise clothes.

4. Action: The person is taking consistent action to make a change in their life.

Once again to continue with our illustration, you’ve started taking a daily half-hour walk after dinner. After the first two weeks you’re sleeping better and you feel more energized. After four weeks you start to notice that your clothes aren’t so tight anymore. These positive changes encourage you to keep going.

5. Maintenance: The person is working to prevent relapse; this stage can last indefinitely.

To wrap up our illustration, walking every day after dinner is now a regular habit for you. However, you have to make sure to make it a life-long habit.

The Relapse Stage of the Change Process

Relapse is not a separate stage of the change process. Instead, it’s something that can happen at any moment:

You may be contemplating making a change, but then you get the flu and are sick in bed for a few days and you stop thinking about taking up an exercise program.
You may have written down some exercise goals and started planning how you’re going to achieve those goals, but then your boss gives you an important assignment at work and you forget about exercising for the time being.
Perhaps you’ve been walking every evening for a couple of weeks, but then your best friend from college comes to town and you miss a week.
It’s now late November and you’ve been walking every day on a consistent basis since January. Exercising has become a regular habit for you; you’re glad that you set the goal of getting daily physical exercise and that you followed through on it. However, the Christmas season begins, you have lots of parties to attend and tons of preparations to take care of at home, and you stop exercising. By December 31st, three weeks have gone by since the last time you exercised.

If, or when, you do relapse, simply follow this ten-step process:

Accept that you slipped up and forgive yourself. Beating yourself up for the relapse is counterproductive and is likely to lead to the abandonment of your goal.
Recognize that relapsing is simply part of the change process and don’t allow setbacks to undermine your self-confidence. Acknowledge that you may have to “recycle” through “The Stages of Change Model” several times before the change becomes truly permanent.
Take a hard look at what happened. Identify what triggered the relapse.
Create a plan to avoid these triggers in the future. How will you deal with any future temptations?
Ask yourself if you can foresee any further obstacles to your success.
Take steps to overcome any future obstacles you may come across.
Reassess your resources and the techniques that you’re using to achieve your goal. Do you need to make any changes to your plan on how you’re going to achieve your goal?
Make any necessary changes to your goal-achievement plan.
Reaffirm your motivation and make a re-commitment to achieve your goal.
Get back on track.

Conclusion

The bottom line is that when you’re trying to make a positive change in your life, it’s highly likely that you’ll slip up. Relapses are almost inevitable; recognize this from the very start. When you do relapse, stop telling yourself that you’ve failed and that you won’t be able to achieve your goal. Instead, forgive yourself and get back up on the horse.

If you’re ready to make an important change in your life and you’re looking for a system you can follow that will take you by the hand and guide you step-by-step through the entire process of setting important life goals and following through on those goals, get “How to Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List”.

1. 18 Powerful Tips for Overcoming Procrastination
2. Strengthening Your Willpower: Four Ways to Listen to the Angel on Your Shoulder
3. Stop Procrastinating Tip: Practice Discomfort
4. The One-Hour-A-Day Formula

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